


Do Me a Solid

by Yatterqueen



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Marvel, Marvel (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 00:54:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7992625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yatterqueen/pseuds/Yatterqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla owes Felicia a solid. Felicia cashes it in. It's a disaster in the making.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do Me a Solid

“Without a doubt, that was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” Carmilla Black says, “and I’m not doing it.”

For Carmilla to say that something is a bad idea, means that it is genuinely not a good idea. Her saying so is tantamount to perhaps Jesus coming down and going, “don’t do that.” However, that isn’t enough to dissuade the woman who put forth the idea in the first place: Felicia Hardy.

“I disagree,” she says. “What’s worse than stealing somebody’s rival? As far as I know, Selina’s never really gotten one like that over on Zatanna.”

“ _Probably_ _for a reason._ Did you ever think of that?”

“Whatever,” she didn’t, “You’re doing it. Remember two weeks ago?”

Carmilla groans. She remembers that.

Two weeks ago, she physically forced Felicia into a hamburger costume as bait in a ploy to take down Madame Masque. Not only had it been a ridiculous stunt, it put Felicia on Masque’s ever growing shitlist and, as a result, she promised Felicia a solid.

“This isn’t what I meant, though!” she protests.

Felicia gives her a blank look of confusion. “What _did_ you mean?”

“Not that shit!”

“Oh come on, it’s _just_ kidnapping.”

“A superhero!”

“She’s B-list _at best_.”

“So what?!”

“You can’t go back on the sanctity of a _solid_ , Carmilla. _You_ told me that.”

Carmilla goes quiet. She did say that too. She has to stop talking out loud to other people, especially this one.

She crosses her arms and asks, “What’s your plan? You know she lives in, like, Gotham in a mystical fortress or something.”

“It’s just a really big house, Carmilla, and I know. But she’s in New York for a show,” Felicia holds up a card, “and I have her hotel address.”

<<>>

Late at night, outside a hotel, Felicia and Carmilla are suited up and ready for business. They went over the specifics -- Felicia’ll sneak up on her while Carmilla pretends to talk to her about something serious.

Very simple stuff with no chance of going wrong.

“Hey, Zatanna, you here?” Carmilla asks, forcing her way in through the window. “It’s urgent and I need your magic.”

Except…

Two weeks ago, when Carmilla stuffed Felicia in the hamburger costume and lamented how hard it was to get her boobs in the costume, the thief cursed with her bad luck for a month. As it’s not typically how her powers work, just an act of extreme annoyance, she had forgotten she did that but it’s affected Carmilla ever since.

Like that time she fell out the rollercoaster and into a pool. Or that time the bus drove off and stopped and drove off until she actually reached her destination. Or that time she lost the keys to her apartment and had to climb in through the window. That time she actually ended up hanging from the fire escape by her underwear.

The bad news is the bad luck followed her this time too.

“Ah, I’m not Zatanna,” a familiar voice says from the bathroom. “But I am well-versed in magic.”

 _Shit,_ Carmilla thinks, _that’s…_

Wanda Maximoff steps out, dressed as elegantly as ever. “Oh, Carmilla.”

The two know of each other, though they haven’t really ever had any prolonged interaction. Wanda’s the mother of Carmilla’s friend’s boyfriend and a friend of her aunt’s, so they’ve met before, but this might be the first time they’ve spoken one on one.

“Hi, Ms. Maximoff,” Carmilla says, pulling down her face mask. “Zatanna’s not here, huh? Is this even her room?”

“It is,” Wanda answers. “She invited me over for drinks but the stage called her away. I was just freshening up before I left. What was so urgent?”

“It’s… nothing, nevermind.” Seeing Felicia’s form enter in from behind her Wanda, she yells, “NEVERMIND!”

“I heard you the first time. There’s no need ye-hey!--”

In her haste, Felicia didn’t quite pay attention to who was in the room opposite Carmilla, so she threw Wanda’s dress over her head thinking it was Zatanna.

“Felicia, stop!”

Ignoring her, Felicia grips Wanda’s hi-cut black underwear and pulls them up to her chest, earning muffled squeals of discomfort from her unfortunately mistaken victim.

“What are we stopping for?” Felicia asks, pulling harder and making Wanda run in place. “Shouldn’t we get going?”

“That’s not Zatanna, stupid!”

“What? Yes it is.”

“No, it’s not! I was just talking to her! It’s Wanda Maximoff!”

“Seriously?” Felicia lets the underwear snap back. “Why didn’t you say anything?!”

“Did you not hear nevermind?!”

“You know you yell a lot!”

That’s fairly true, actually, and Carmilla doesn’t have a comeback. “Just apologize,” she eventually says. “Before Wanda gets upset.”

Wanda’s adjusted herself while they argued, but her face is clearly one of anger and annoyance. For some reason, this has been happening to her too often. Well, not the attacked in a hotel thing, the underwear being used against her thing. Felicia pulls so hard too, she still kind of feels it.

“What was _that_ about?” she asks.

“We, uh,” Carmilla points between her and Felicia, “We were gonna’ surprise Zatanna?”

Wanda nods and mulls it over. “So you were in on this too, Carmilla?”

“I mean, not exactly,” she shrugs, “Like, I’m more of a hostage to a stupid idea than anything.”

“Right, okay,” Wanda points to Felicia and then back to Carmilla. “Well, that’s that, I guess. You two can see Zatanna later. I’m just going to leave her a gift and be on my way.”

“No hard feelings?” Felicia asks, unconvinced.

“None,” Wanda says, sighing. She’s clearly trying to be the bigger woman. “I’m not a vengeful person.”

Carmilla and Felicia exchange glances and shrug. Why not, right? Carmilla waves goodbye to Wanda as they leave through the door this time. Unfortunately, she commits a fatal error when she, unaware of who’s behind her, whispers to Felicia, “Can’t believe we got away with that.”

The thief, similarly clueless, promptly whispers back, “I _know_ . And we can _still_ kidnap Zatanna later.”

“I think we should just count our blessings and leave this one alone, huh?”

“The solid was to _kidnap Zatanna._ ”

Neither of them notice Wanda right behind them, privy to everything they’ve said. Pietro always said she had ears “too good for her own good,” whatever that meant.

“I’m sorry,” she says, “What was that?”

Both Felicia and Carmilla nearly leap out of their skin.

“We, uh,” Carmilla points between her and Felicia, “We were gonna’ ...catnap Zatanna?”

Felicia looks at her like she’s an absolute idiot. “Catnap? For real?”

“There are no pure rhymes for kidnap! I came up with the best end rhyme I could under the circumstances!”

“So, you _were_ planning on kidnapping her?”

“Yeah, about that…” Carmilla shoves Felicia into Wanda and makes a break for the stairs but, as a result of the bad luck she was cursed with, she trips over a loose plank in the hall and careens face-first into a wall.

“****ing…” she groans, peeling her face off the ceramic and collapsing onto her stomach

Felicia can do nothing but facepalm at the scene that just unfolded before her. “I take it you still have hard feelings, Wanda?”

“Well,” Wanda begins, hands and eyes glowing, “Now I can say it’s for Zatanna’s protection.”

With a wave of her hand, Felicia’s yellow bikini briefs and Carmilla’s zebra print panties fly out of their costumes and up their behinds.

Felicia immediately tries to stuff her underwear back into place through the hole that opened up in her costume to no avail.

“Ow!” she says, squatting and pushing her panties down, her face twisting in discomfort as her panties slice up into her.

“Yeah, ow!” Carmilla repeats, holding the ground as her underwear lifts her off it, more exasperation than embarrassment registering on her face. As far as mega-wedgies go, this is like a solid _5_ on a 10 point scale.

The pair of would-be kidnappers are dragged back kicking and (not) screaming into the hotel room by magic wedgies, with Wanda right behind them. As soon as she shuts the door, a cacophony of underwear stretching and uncomfortably high-pitched squeals could be heard from down the hall.

<<>>

Zatanna has had a long day at the office, and so she comes to her hotel room expecting peace and quiet. Maybe enjoy the gift Wanda always leave her, a bottle of wine. Maybe even invite her back over.

As she slides her room key to open the door, she nearly drops everything, jumping back startled. Then, she grins.

“Hi, ladies,” she says through laughter. “What’re you doing hanging around here?”

Felicia looks away.

“That’s _so_ funny,” Carmilla says, voice higher than normal.

After Wanda had her fun, she used her magic to give both girls straitjacket wedgies, completely wrapping their upper bodies up to their neck in their underwear, and then hung them up from the bottom portion of their costume, leaving them in severe hanging wedgies.

That was half an hour ago and they’ve long since stopped struggling.

Neither of them can really feel their legs.

“Would you get us down?” Carmilla asks.

“In a second,” Zatanna responds, reading a card Wanda left her. “Oh, so you were trying to _kidnap_ me? For what?”

“It was her idea,” Felicia lies, voice squeaky but still in its normal range. “I tried to stop her. She wanted to use you to gloat at Selina.”

“That was you!” Carmilla yells at Felicia and then to Zatanna. “Don’t listen to this witch!”  
“Look, I’ll do you ladies a favor...”

Both Carmilla and Felicia look up at the Mistress of Magic expectantly.

“And leave you alone so you can get your story straight. Goodbye!”

With that, Zatanna drops her bag and closes the door.

As it becomes clearer and clearer that she’s not returning anytime soon, Carmilla turns to face Felicia, trying to elbow her. Seeing as her arms are tightly bound by her underwear, that's not really happening.

“I ****ing hate you, Felicia, you know that?”

“I ****ing hate you too, Carmilla.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first week of September (the 1st was a Thursday, it doesn't count), and so, hopefully, I can get a story out at least once a week from here on out. 
> 
> In any case, I had a lot of fun with this one!


End file.
